there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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