I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
