maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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