Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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