no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
