Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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