Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
