Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
