my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
