are you still at the devil's house?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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