I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
