I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
