You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
