help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
