he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
