i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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