don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
