im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
