Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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