i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
