like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
