I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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