Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
