I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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