I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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