You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
