you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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