Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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