Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
