im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
