he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
