she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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