are you still at the devil's house?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
