If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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