just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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