I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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