he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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