She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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