Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
