My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i think my cat just said my name.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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