why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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