i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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