If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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