just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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