TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my poor anus
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.