why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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Let's paint friendship bongs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.