All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs