I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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