i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
