Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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