i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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