he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
