I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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