I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you never un-have a 4some
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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