You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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