She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
