i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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