; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
