first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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