The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
