ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
