How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
