Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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