Christians are straight up FREAKS
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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