so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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