Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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