i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
